While watching Mystery Science Theatre 3000, "You know we ougt to pause it and make our own commercials."

"I want to be a nutrition expert so I can tell people to eat dog shit, and they'll be like, 'Oh, did you hear about that new dog shit diet?' "

Oh yeah, I was gonna patent fire too. Bad idea. Need I say more.

I once wanted to patent the wheel, after much critisism from my closest friends I decided against it. Seriously who patented the wheel, no one. Oh well, I could of been rich.

A historic quote.
"Wouldn't it be cool if Iraq and Korea joined forces and fought us together."

"I didn't know black people lived in Iceland"

I checked out my stupid roomates claim that it is illegal to eat while driving, it is in fact false. Nowhere is there a law that says you can't eat and drive.